Livingston Diner Feeling a bit hungry, we pass by a place called the Livingston Diner. What we thought: Before we begin, I must mention that I was hungry...VERY HUNGRY. When I am very hungry, I can eat almost anything. Yeah, you heard me...ANYTHING. Like puppies. Puppies are delicious. Anyway, being very hungry, I sat down and the waiter got us the drinks as desired. Now this place reeks of smugness. It looks like crap on the outside, but they try to disguise their crappiness by having Greek sculptures in the back to try to say, "Hey now, we're no shitty diner on a corner, we got these cool Greek columns and sculptures and crap that are really made of wood and actually have nothing to do with the diner's theme or Livingston whatsoever...but hey! It looks neat don't it? NO dipshits! You're not a Greek restaurant. Your shitty food isn't Greek, and NOTHING about the place is GREEK so get over yourselves! It would have been more appropriate if they put a marble sculpture of Zidane headbutting Materazzi in the chest. The only people who eat at this place are old people. I mean old old people who have nothing to do. Old folks smell like olives, which blow. I ordered myself a hot turkey sandwich with cheese melted on it. Man was I not expecting to see what the waiter brought and shoved under my nose. Ok... Okay now before running to the nearest toilet...bear with me here for just a moment. Observe the picture carefully if you can. I apologize for the blurriness, because by the time I took it, I have already taken a bite. That's right. It was too late. I instantly got hay fever out of nowhere. I felt sick INSTANTLY. What they gave me was not a hot and delicious hot turkey sandwich which I would have loved to put into my belly and make it fluffy. Let's observe what they gave me. As the bread, they gave me French toast. This was absolutely repulsive, since the French toast was sweet and cinnamony, and the cheese and turkey is a salty food. SWEET AND SALTY THINGS DO NOT MIX! EVER! Now you're probably thinking, what about pineapple and ham? WRONG! Pineapple and ham do NOT mix and cause CANCER! The turkey they gave me, was NOT turkey. What it looked like was bat wing. I guess it's their specialty. If you're into bat wing, come on down! In order to cover up the fact that they served me bat wings, they melted Swiss cheese all over it! However, the Swiss cheese was translucent around the edges. You know what that means? IT WAS MADE WITH 2% MILK! WHAT BULLSHIT! Ever wonder why 2% milk is slightly blue? 2% Milk is made of 2% milk, and 98% urinal cake. To top it off, look in the upper left corner in the picture of my dish. You see that small flask? That is Maple Syrup. Those asshats expected me to eat the turkey sandwich with maple syrup on it?? Who puts maple syrup on a turkey sandwich? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!?!? Anyway, I hoped that the fries would at least be good and not taste like someone ate a bunch of potatoes, digested them, and shitted them out on my plate. I was wrong. The fries looked and tastes like someone ate a bunch of potatoes, digested them, and shitted them out on my plate. How disappointing. Thy melted American cheese on them, but it was half melted, so it had those cold corners... Even looking at these pictures reminds me of how bad it was and gives me a slight headache as well as a minor hay-fever. Randomizer even tried getting the most expensive dish at the place, the steak with mushrooms, and what he got was a ground beef patty with giblets. Awesome. My girlfriend had the right idea of getting chicken broth. You can't mess that up no matter how hard you try. How can a diner be so bad? It's unfathomable to even imagine such a place exists. This place used to be called Tod's diner, but I guess the man was too ashamed of having his name be the same as a shitty diner like this one. I mean, I do have to give them credit for being considerate and having an ambulance parked right outside. That way, your next destination is only a step away! The food passed right through me. Now by through me, I mean I IMMEDIATELY had the shits. I had to run to the nearest bathroom in the vicinity. I was in there for about 30 minutes. Why? Well, I guess you can say that I would recommend calling this dish the colon blow, since it passes right through you, and at the toilet, it just keeps going and going and going... I managed to fill it up to the brim. I am the champ! So if you're into bat wings, giblets, hay-fever, colonoscopies, and bullshit, then come on down to the Livingston Diner. Bring a bedpan! Tantalus: Extremely Non-Duppable. Randomizer: Extremely Non-Duppable.