Real Breakfast Waking up really early at 11:45AM on morning, we desired a breakfast of champions. What better champion doesn't eat a healthy portion of scrambled eggs and bacon? Here's what we thought: What we thought: Waking up is probably the worst part of the day. nobody likes waking up, and no one is ever happy when they wake up. We all know we're a bunch of grumpy bastards and all we want to do is go back to sleep. Only one thing hits the spot in the morning, and that is a good helping of bacon and eggs. We think any other type of breakfast foods lack the following: This is a pure block of fat, also known as "salo." It is accompanied by Teddy Roosevelt, who was a kickass president. Roosevelt loved his daily helping of fat. All other breakfast foods are dry, stale, bland, soggy. Oh wait, I just described all the traits of cereal. Lame. Now, for this breakfast we chose only the finest ingredients: The bacon is of utmost importance. Plumrose bacon has a picture of a Viking on it, and who knows bacon better than Vikings? Vikings were the king of bacon, just in case you're wondering. As for the eggs, only jumbo will do. I usually have four eggs in my breakfast. One thing that is very important, is the way you defrost your bacon. The bacon is usually frozen, so this part confused many people. No, you cannot just throw the block into a frying pan. (We tried that, failed results.) What you have to do is take the utmost care, sanitation, and high maintenance to defrost the bacon. It takes proper technology and high knowledge people like us to know what to do. After properly defrosted, the bacon must be fried. Now, be patient when frying the bacon. It has to be just right. Randomizer was still sleepy and fell asleep while frying it. That reminds me, watch for grease splatters from the frying pan. Randomizer had to change his shirt immediately, but never got to it. After the bacon is perfectly made, it's time to crack and cook those eggs. We chose to have them scrambled since we were too tired to think of anything else. So once fried, salted, and delicioused, we combined it to make ourselves the perfect breakfast. I must say it did hit the spot. Nothing could have been better. After realizing that it took us 20 minutes to make, and 1 minute to consume, we have decided never to do that ever again. Unless someone does it for us (wife). Anyway, this was the perfect thing in the morning. If you are interested, make some bacon and eggs when you wake up. Send us pictures and tell us how you liked it. America runs on fatness. Tantalus: Duppable. Randomizer: Very Duppable.